WE’RE LED TO believe that small—capacity turbo cars are saving the planet. I agree, in the hands of people who care less about their cars than they do the neighbour’s barking dog they’re gre at. The only problem is that people
who buy turbo cars want the performance of a turbo car, regardless of whe ther it comes as a 1.2-litre or a bi-turbo V10. Leave climate concerns to the hybrids. Fifteen years ago turbo cars were expensive, they were also rare and many ofthe good ones
were left-hand drive and required a permit. The worst ones were diesel... In order to own a fast car you had to drive to a workshop usually located near the Vaal or adjacent to the runway of the city’s major airport.
Here you would meet a guy nicknamed ‘Oom’ who had several Rottweilers and no email address. Prices for imported Wiseco pistons were charged, while Hilux pistons fitted but the modified experiment emerged making a lot of noise and kept the roadhouses in business.
Each year as the engines got smaller the cars became quicker. Tuning companies migrated inwards, often using the oil—stained paving of converted suburbia to fettle with engines. They were built at a much faster rate and with more success but they were still illegal, impractical and impossible to start on a cold morning. Spectators stood on highway overpass es as
turbo MK1 Golfs whistled by while those waiting their turn disconnected wastegates allowing for an often catastrophic overboost.
Rivalries and reputations were on the line and it was a win at all cost or die trying mentality. However. the rules of aerodvnamics eventually stood firm and the next big evolution was ushered in — the turbo hot hatch for all. In principle these cars are much the same but what separates the good ones is the variety of the tuning options on offer. Keen modifiers choose cars for what they can become and not what they are. Discreet modified road cars — known as sleepers — began to infiltrate race meetings, unbiudened by the trailer and pit crew retinue, knocking out competitors twice their size like a japanese martial artist. Job done, these turbo hatches morph back to the practical sporty hatch for the family and
head for home. With numberplates faintly pressed on, neither the auth0rities nor dealer- ships stand a chance of identifying them — sans the set of lighter all0ys and lowered springs.
In the twilight 0f the pre-fabricated bolt-on
kit, it meant that racing would never be the same again.It’s hardly surprising then that the mechanics
at the 0rigins of the modified movement suffered the same fate as the thirsty rotary engine. Why buy expensive internals when the factory engines are r0bust and tuned to last 500 000kms? The GTI is the most notable culprit: Spreading like a virus it has allowed the entire IT industry to become mechanics in the same meaningless
way that watching Grey ’s Anatomy qualifies people as doctors.
Today, a modified car is nothing more than a remapped file transferred by laptop and by the afternoon these cars are at Tarlton being driven by teenagers with perocxided hair. They are the reason why crowds are shrinking at
the drags and club events — there’s no engine grease under the nails, no burnouts and no noise to enjoy.
More than ever, success is relative to the money spent on your software tuning and cars modiiied with Stage 3 software naturally prevailing over cars with Stage 2.
Combined with the generic rpm control 0f a DSG launch it 0ffers close but entirely scripted racing which is still slower than the turbo Nissan Champ of ten years ago.
And the situation is unlikely to improve. BMW has ust amiounced the first triple turbo engine which I imagine will be impossibly complicated even for the current crowd of tuners/hackers. So the modern turbo car is not saving the
planet but rather, encouraging a large motley crew of racers causing m0re harm to the planet than the cars they replaced. And making it even worse is the fact that nobody is turning up to watch them.
